Bridges of Madison County...A Question

[Should Francesca have left her faithful husband for Robert?]

Should Francesca have left her faithful husband for Robert?

Yes - Trading up is ok as long as its a hunky traveling photographer

Yes - Marriage schmarriage!

Yes - Her husband was boring.

Yes - I wouldn't like it if someone cheated on me and I mercilessly boo those cheating guys on Oprah, but this was true love!

Yes - Other reasons

NO - But Francesca deserved her time with Robert.

NO - Being married, Francesca should have kept her relationship with Robert platonic from the start

NO - Other reasons

[Conan]

  I've noticed that a number of women on the board seem to approve of Francesca's affair with Robert, or maybe it just comes across that way.  This question has been discussed before a while back, but I think it should be renewed since there was no official poll last time and we have quite a few new members.  The question isn't about the plot or quality of the movie, just your opinion of Francesca's infidelity.

  This poll is for both men and women by the way    At the end (whenever that is), I will tally up the Yes/No breakdown.

[Matt]

Well, the men have weighed in. It's so far 100% (3 replies total) for option: "NO - Being married, Francesca should have kept her relationship with Robert platonic from the start"

[Brendan]

I would have voted "NO-Other Reasons" and my other reason would have been NO-she should get divorced first if she wants to be with robert. Then when he ditches her for another girl after doing the same thing she can crawl back to her husband.

BAM, I said it!

[Americanbeauty]

I answered "Yes - Other reasons". Surprising, is it 

I would have liked to see her leave with Robert. Her husband was boring, and yes, Robert was hunky, but that has nothing to do with it. Robert and Francesca's connection was not only physical. It was a meeting of the souls. They were soul mates.

It was a once-in-a-lifetime-chance to be happy, at last -she was not -has she ever been, really? ... and when you have this opportunity, you don't want to let it pass you by, even if that means making life shattering decisions. Francesca made a choice, and I respect that.

But it was fate. They were made to be together.

By the way, what's with the question "Should Francesca have left her faithful husband for Robert?" Faithful? Were you trying to influence us or something?  It doesn't say in the movie that her husband was faithful -or unfaithful for that matter ... right? That's just what you think  I'm not saying he was not faithful, but you could have left that out when you wrote your question -for the sake of impartiality.

There's still one thing that I can't understand -here I go again. Why, when we talk about this film, you guys only think about cheating cheating cheating. I mean the movie's deeper than that. It's not the story of a woman who's cheating on her husband ... is it? 

BOMC is a love story.

Why can't you see beyond the cheating aspect of the film?

[Lin Sunderland]

There's still one thing that I can't understand -here I go again. Why, when we talk about this film, you guys only think about cheating cheating cheating. I mean the movie's deeper than that. It's not the story of a woman who's cheating on her husband ... is it? 

BOMC is a love story.

Why can't you see beyond the cheating aspect of the film?

AB  So well said.    I wonder if the movie had been about a woman photographer who happened upon Francesca's husband while Francesca was away from home for a few days with the children, would the guys all jump up and down and say how could he do that to his wife.  I would like a truly honest answer if this was the scenario, but I don't expect to get one.

   

[Sylvie]

IThere's still one thing that I can't understand -here I go again. Why, when we talk about this film, you guys only think about cheating cheating cheating. I mean the movie's deeper than that. It's not the story of a woman who's cheating on her husband ... is it? 

BOMC is a love story.

Why can't you see beyond the cheating aspect of the film?

That's exactly what I think , and to me, the problem (if there is one !) is not to say if she was wrong or right to fall in love with Robert ... It happened, that's all.

[Agent]

Well, from a “should/should not” or “thou shalt/thou shalt not” point of view, ”NO – being married, Francesca should’ve kept it platonic” is the obvious answer. If only life were so simple.

But it gets complicated with fragile female emotions & needs involved, combined with the male libido and appetite for some good ol’…..uh, whatever you wanna call it (“love” if it makes you feel better), there’s gonna be some horseplay going on. Also had it been purely platonic, nobody would have bought the book (nor gone to see the movie).

But from a man’s point of view, it’s easy to view it a guy being wronged (by his wife in this case). So if Kincaid would have gotten his head blown off (killed that is), perhaps the women would have cried, but the guys wouldn’t have disputed he got what he deserved since he was playing with fire anyway, although a certain percentage of them surely would have done the same thing had they been given the chance. Let’s be real.

Again, had it been purely platonic, we wouldn’t even be discussing it. So I think for purely romance and entertainment reasons, it had to have a little spice thrown in.

Chick flicks.....bah!!

[Matt]

We actually have a vote for "Yes - Her husband was boring".

It's not the story of a woman who's cheating on her husband ... is it?

Well, quite frankly...... yes. I thought that was pretty obvious. If that wasn't what the story was about... why give Francesca a husband in the first place? It's not a true story, they could have taken that part out if it WASN'T going to be the story of a woman cheating on her husband. Why spend so much time showing her family, her children trying to come to terms with it, and her anxiety over cheating on her husband if that wasn't a major part of what the movie was about?

BOMC is a love story.

...of a woman cheating on her husband.

Why can't you see beyond the cheating aspect of the film?

Because... it's the story.    When you strip away all the excesses put in to "beautify" it (the romantic setting, Robert being every woman's fantasy figure-sometimes over the top perfect, etc.) that's exactly what the premise of the story is.

[Matt]

I wonder if the movie had been about a woman photographer who happened upon Francesca's husband while Francesca was away from home for a few days with the children, would the guys all jump up and down and say how could he do that to his wife.  I would like a truly honest answer if this was the scenario, but I don't expect to get one.

Well, here's your answer.... yes, at least this guy would. I may not "jump up and down" like some holier-than-thou preacher, but I would damn well be thinking it. And if there were a half dozen men on the board swooning over the female photographer, and how beautiful their "love" was, and saying things about his wife being boring and he "deserved" to have the affair... then you'd better believe it... I'd say exactly the same thing.

So, I believe in fidelity. Shoot me.

[Lin Sunderland]

Matt you are not exactly a one off but you are in a minority.  Guys I have spoken to since we had this discussion in the past say things on the lines of 'handed on a plate....take it',
'who would know etc.'  The guys I asked were not friends I mix with a lot, just a group of guys brought together for something else entirely.

I don't intend to put you down,  insult or disagree with you and your feelings I just wanted to say I have asked others and VERY few even came close to your opinion.   Perhaps we need more Matt's in this world and things may be better.

[Agent]

Guys I have spoken to since we had this discussion in the past say things on the lines of 'handed on a plate....take it',
'who would know etc.' 

I see your point, Lin, but is that the kind of guy any woman here would want to marry?

I agree with Matt and the guys - boredom does not justify sharing your bed with another. However, trying to understand the woman's point of view, and the women I've talked to and known throughout the years, they feel neglected (hence, the boredom). After years where it finally reaches the point where they feel they don't want to waste the rest of their lives not feeling or sharing that special love they once had, they get desperate and take that leap. Not necessarily saying they go out looking for it, but if the opportunity or situation comes their direction, they take it.

Like I said, it can be complicated.

[KC]

Perhaps we need more Matt's in this world and things may be better.

I think THAT is beyond dispute, at least!

How do the guys here feel about the story of Tristan and Isolde? (That was even worse because Tristan was bound by ties of blood and feudal loyalty to the man he "cheated" on.) The adulterous romance is one of the great themes of classical literature and the arts; I could name dozens of other examples. The thing that makes "love stories" like this so compelling is the fact that the love is forbidden. Just as no one would have gone to see the movie if Robert and Francesca had remained "just friends," no one would have gone if Francesca had been single, divorced or widowed.

[Canadian Lady]

All right my answer is "NO- Other reasons" I had wanted to pick " NO - but Francesca deserved her time with Robert" but the word "deserved" was wrong.  I feel she was right to follow her heart and fall in love with Robert.  I also feel even if they hadn't laid down together they still would have fell in love with each other.  I believe they were soulmates and had became one person once they were together.  I don't think it was a story of a wife cheating on her husband.  It was a story of a housewife learning there was other things in life other than doing laundry and feeding the cows(is this my life were talking about...?) 
Anyway, the reason she was wise to not leave was like she said "what Robert and I had would die, and what Richard and I shared would vanish, and she would start to blame Robert for the pain she would feel"(sorry for it not being exact wording)she had kids to help raise and too many ties to the farm.  However the relationship her and Robert formed helped her get through the hard times and I believe that!
I am not saying it is right to cheat, but there is more to a marriage than the sex in it!

[Americanbeauty]

the problem (if there is one !) is not to say if she was wrong or right to fall in love with Robert ... It happened, that's all.

Exactly. It just happened. Fate. You can't control that. It was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. And in my opinion, although I liked the ending, she should have gone for it.

As much as I know that cheating is wrong, I just can't bring myself to say that she was right to stay with her husband.

And anyway, come on, he wouldn't have missed her, would he? He would have missed her cooking, but that's all. He barely paid attention to her -as a woman, I mean.

[Canadian Lady]

And anyway, come on, he wouldn't have missed her, would he?

I think he would miss her deeply, that type of man, would be scared!  He may not have shown his love too affectionately but I bet once she was gone, it would have hit him like a brick.  And Francesca knew that, like she said Richard doesn't deserve to be hurt.

[Conan]

There's still one thing that I can't understand -here I go again. Why, when we talk about this film, you guys only think about cheating cheating cheating. I mean the movie's deeper than that. It's not the story of a woman who's cheating on her husband ... is it? 

BOMC is a love story.

Why can't you see beyond the cheating aspect of the film?

  There are ten thousand threads on here where women fawn over the Kincaid character and talk about the love between the main characters, and two threads (including this one) where this "cheating" discussion is fleshed out.  And I will never start a thread about this subject again; you can quote me on that.

  We do see beyond the cheating, but we also want to discuss more than just "oh Kincaid is so dreamy!" and their "beautiful fling of love" aspect.  Again, this is the 2nd thread where it is really discussed in depth.  If you don't like talking about your feelings on a central part of the plotline, then don't take the poll.   

[Conan]

...I wonder if the movie had been about a woman photographer who happened upon Francesca's husband while Francesca was away from home for a few days with the children, would the guys all jump up and down and say how could he do that to his wife.  I would like a truly honest answer if this was the scenario, but I don't expect to get one.

  If we noticed a bunch of guys fawning over the woman photographer, then YES we (I for sure) would mention it.  We'd say "Man if she did that once, she will do it again."  I've said that before, and so have other guys.  If a buddy of mine plans to hook up with a girl long-term that already has a boyfriend (or worse, is married), I warn him.

  Just read Matt's response (was too eager for my 2 cents...).  Ya, we could do with a few more of him around.

[Conan]

We actually have a vote for "Yes - Her husband was boring".

  I think it should be added to the vows.  "For better or worse...unless it turns out that you are boring..."   

  Still, I appreciate the candor/honesty of that voter 

[Conan]

Again, had it been purely platonic, we wouldn’t even be discussing it. So I think for purely romance and entertainment reasons, it had to have a little spice thrown in.

  I agree totally, and again its not the quality of the movie we are discussing here.  Its the overall opinion of viewer on the main character's infidelity.

[Matt]

I am not saying it is right to cheat, but there is more to a marriage than the sex in it!

Bravo. I agree completely. So, what IS marriage to the rest of the ladies on the board, then? I don't think "sex" was actually in the wedding vows I recited. Love, honor, respect, through good times and bad, etc. etc. Is cheating an act of love, honor and respect for one's spouse? Which category does that fall under?